Parenting comes with many rewards and challenges. You have the opportunity to influence the type of person your child becomes, receive many smiles, hugs and kisses, laugh often, play, and watch your child grow and develop.
You also often will wonder if you said and did the right thing or could have done things better. If you are like me, you wonder if you said or did the right thing or could have done things better - every single day!
Parents love their children and want the best for them. However, children don’t come with directions, and don’t always respond or behave the way you want them to.
There’s also that nifty little karmic rule of parenting where just when you think you have figured things out, your child moves into a new stage of development and what worked before doesn’t work anymore.
Here’s what parents’ need to keep in mind: Parenting is a learned experience. People parent instinctively, based on how they were raised. Throw environmental influences into the mix and books, magazines, newspapers, the Internet, television, workshops, doctors and other family professionals, friends, and family members all contribute to one’s parenting beliefs and behaviors.
As a parent, your job is to sift through this information, find strategies, and supports that will work best for you and your child. The goal is to become the best parent you can be.
I recommend and teach the Positive Discipline program. I also use this parenting program myself. Positive Discipline:
teaches parenting-tools to address common parenting experiences,
promotes positive development in children, and
promotes positive parent-child relationships.
Is Spanking OK? Please note that neither Positive Discipline, nor I, endorse spanking as a parenting tool. Why? Because there are many strategies other than spanking that promote positive development and help a child learn self-control, what is expected, and how to behave appropriately. For parents, it's simply a matter of learning differently than what you experienced.
The word discipline comes from a Latin word that means “to teach.” As a parent, you are a teacher. The way you discipline your children will help them learn.
Nurturing is where to put most of your time and effort. Children learn best when they know they are loved and supported. Here are some ideas:
• Love your children, no matter what they do. Make sure they know you love them even when they make mistakes.
• Listen to your children. Which is different from agreeing with them or letting them do whatever they please. Hear what your children have to say so you may understand the belief behind the behavior.
• Expect the best from your children. Do not tolerate maladaptive behavior. It is an unhealthy way to get needs met that ultimately hurts your child in the long run.
• When they are being good, tell them!
• Make sure they are safe—physically and emotionally.
• Be a good role model. 1A on the parenting list is to make sure you are modeling the behavior you want to see.
When children misbehave, there is usually a reason. They may be tired, hungry, frustrated, seeking attention, or wanting control. If you can figure out what is causing the misbehavior, you will have more success responding and preventing the behavior in the future. For example, if you observe your seven-year-old always having meltdowns when getting home from school, then you need to think about what might be causing the meltdowns. Perhaps your child is tired and hungry at the end of the day, or something was frustrating at school. Talk to the teachers to see how school is going. Try to have a nutritious snack and provide some quiet time reading or playing a game to help your child make the transition from school to home.