Dos and Don’ts: Talking to Your Kids about the War in Ukraine
There is no escaping it with children these days. Avoiding the topic won’t make it go away. What is the topic? War. Specifically the on-going conflict between Russia and Ukraine. Explaining the war with kids presents challenges, and quite understandably some parents avoid it. However, it must be noted and understood by adults that most youth have already formed ideas about what’s happening based on what they are consuming via the Internet, television, in school, and other outside influences. According to Bulletin.org, “children experience better mental health outcomes when their caregivers talk with them about difficult subjects, including war and nuclear threats”. I agree wholeheartedly and encourage parents to help their children develop their personal beliefs, despite the uneasiness of the subject. For guidance in having this big talk, parents can zone in on some dos and don’ts listed below.Dos
Do let children guide the conversation. Kids should be allowed to speak freely and ask questions. Actively listen to them as they speak. Answer their questions on a “need to know basis” while take cues from the expressions on their face and their body language. The idea is to arm them with accurate, age appropriate information.
Speak to kids calmly and with appropriate language. How we speak to kids concerning matters of war and violence. Use a clear, calm tone, which helps to reduce distress. Choose words wisely and speak in kid-friendly terms.
Encourage kids to express themselves and put feelings onto paper. Have kids express their thoughts, feelings, fears and anxieties through creative activities such as journaling, drawing, art, story-telling, and poster drawing. These can be effective ways for a child to process and release stress.
Focus on figures experiencing the conflict, including survivors and humanitarian aides. Instead of mentioning figures perpetuating or glorifying the war, talk with emphasis about refugees and those assisting in humanitarian efforts. Kids can learn the virtue of empathy by honoring the survivors.
Don’ts
Don’t go on about war violence and don’t show graphic battle imagery. Dwelling on war carnage can be very upsetting and trauma inducing (for all!). Avoid showing or allowing your child access to depictions of violent battle scenes. Try to limit them from viewing news coverage as much as possible and take advantage of utilizing parental control on the T.V.
Refrain from heightening children’s’ fear. Younger kids, particularly, want to feel they are safe but may get easily distress by war. Assuage their worries by reassuring them that although bad things happen, good things also happen, and there are plenty of good people who are working to stop the war.
Avoid over-speaking or over-explaining war. Less is more in difficult conversations with children. Stick to the basics within a limited time-frame. Don’t go off on a tangent. Lay off the weighty aspect of war especially with elementary school aged children. Young kids will not understand the complexities and may get confused easily.
Try to avoid discussion about “good/bad guys”. On the other hand, if you have a keen pre-teen and teen, do explore talk about war with nuance beyond talk of “good guys v. bad guys” argument. Adolescents at an older grade school age can express nuance with exchange of advanced thinking.
If you have additional questions please don’t hesitate to reach out to marinabarbosapsychhealth@gmail.com or call (202) 318-1931. I will support you in any way I can, whether through direct services, referral, or additional resources.
Take care & Be Well,
Marina